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MATTGiRAFFe: Wildfires and Zombie Attacks

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Thursday, October 25, 2007. Wildfires and Zombie Attacks. The wildfires in southern California have been on my mind this week. It's hard for me to comprehend what a city goes through in a natural disaster situation, whether it's a fire, a hurricane, or an earthquake. The shock of destruction. The evacuation. The worrying. The lack of safety. The looting. My coworker, Ben, reminded me that Portland is still highly susceptible to zombie attacks. True, true. Posted by Matt Graff. Haven't been over here in a...

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MATTGiRAFFe: January 2007

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Monday, January 22, 2007. I Feel Like A PC, Not a Mac. I'm not sure if it's a virus, or the flu, or some sickness with flu-like symtoms, but something kicked my ass this weekend. From 5pm Friday to 9am Monday, I rarely left my couch. Multiple times to the bathroom. Once to the store. I was congested, sniffly, coughy, rumbly, and weak for more than two days. My buddy Mike suggested that I might be sick from karma. He mentioned that less than a week ago I renounced. Posted by Matt Graff. And does anyone el...

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MATTGiRAFFe: September 2007

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Tuesday, September 25, 2007. And Show It Begins. Fall is officially here. And you know how I know? Because new seasons of new crappy shows are on every network on every night. And I'm hooked. I need two TiVos this time of year. Monday night at 8pm, I have one tuner on How I met Your Mother. I have the other tuner on Chuck. And I can't watch Monday Night Football. Luckily the score wasn't close. Speaking of Survivor, season twenty three is taking place in China. The show has become repetitive and unin...

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MATTGiRAFFe: May 2007

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Wednesday, May 30, 2007. You may know that I like to invent words or sayings and then refer to them like people should know them. Like they are already common vernacular. For example, I invented the term “foaf” meaning Friend Of A Friend. Giraffe, can you please use that in a sentence? Yes Last weekend, I went to a party at a foaf’s house and stole a chinchilla. So now that you are enlightened, next time you’re with your buddy and you pass a Jetta with a cute girl driving, you can say, “Jetta...And not T...

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MATTGiRAFFe: Waiters and Water Pitchers

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Wednesday, October 24, 2007. Waiters and Water Pitchers. Why do some waiters do the "side pour" with the water pitcher? Is it an ice thing? If they're trying to impress me or work me for a better tip, it's not working. I repeat, it's not working. I'm not an "ice guy." The risk to return ratio just isn't worth it, in my opinion. There is a high probability for spilling, and I don't want a wet lap. Abort the side pour. Posted by Matt Graff. Cuz it looks badass! Like holding a gun sideways.

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MATTGiRAFFe: March 2007

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Monday, March 19, 2007. Yoplait yogurt is by far the best yogurt at the grocery store. This stuff is legen-dairy, and here is why. End of story. Done deal. Pre-stirred, baby. The fruit is mixed, spread, permeated, and dispersed. Why the heck would I voluntarily want to exercise my yogurt? I am not paying for a workout. Yoplait is the cliff notes of yogurt, it cuts right to the point. Jump on in, the water's fine. Reason Three: Foil Lid. Yeah, that foil lid IS a little cocky, isn't it? Posted by Matt Graff.

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MATTGiRAFFe: October 2007

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Monday, October 29, 2007. I Went AMERICA All Over Las Vegas's Ass. I just got back from a weekend trip to Vegas with Joel, Joe, and Drew. Woo hoo! Our main reason for going was an outdoor concert festival called Vegoose. The headliner on Saturday night was Daft Punk, and they rocked. The cool thing about this concert festival is that almost half of the people go to it dressed in their Halloween costumes. We were no exception. Here we are before the concert:. Posted by Matt Graff. I have often felt fortun...

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MATTGiRAFFe: WTF, Willy Wonka?

http://mattgiraffe.blogspot.com/2007/08/wtf-willy-wonka.html

Thursday, August 16, 2007. WTF, Willy Wonka? The Willy Wonka Candy Co. and I do not think on the same wavelength anymore. Maybe that's a sign of me growing up. Willy Wonka has certainly gone off his rocker. What the frick- Nerds Rope? For those of you who haven't tried this stupid candy, I'll explain it to you. It's a big Red Rope licorice with a whole blunch a Nerds glued to it. Yes a sugary, crunchy, candy whip of stupidity and insult. And the sad part is that I like. Nerds I grew up loving.

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MATTGiRAFFe: July 2007

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Saturday, July 14, 2007. Vacation, Day 7 - Cicadas. There are these weird, LOUD bugs here called cicadas. Posted by Matt Graff. Thursday, July 12, 2007. Vacation, Day 6 - Shopping in Charleston. Posted by Matt Graff. Vacation, Day 5 - The Pig. Posted by Matt Graff. Tuesday, July 10, 2007. Vacation, Day 4 - The Cook-Out. Today, the hotel provided lunch for all the guests. Posted by Matt Graff. Vacation, Day 3 - Hilton Head, SC. I went to the beach today. Posted by Matt Graff. Vacation, Day 2 - Savannah, GA.

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MATTGiRAFFe: November 2006

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Wednesday, November 29, 2006. Okay, so I came up with another invention. You can't steal it though. I'm moral trademarking it right now. If you steal this idea and make tons of money, you will pay with your soul. Or stock options. I accept both. So here's the idea.HeliChips. Bags of chips that are packed in helium instead of.air? Or whatever they normally have in them. But it's a bag of Tortilla chips, Sun Chips, or Doritos that has helium in it! Wouldn't that be freakin' awesome? Investors, contact me.